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how's my driving
You guys know what to do.
(Specifying which game they're for would be insanely helpful [he's less IC in some games than others *cough*] but not required, obviously.)
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(Specifying which game they're for would be insanely helpful [he's less IC in some games than others *cough*] but not required, obviously.)
Anon commenting should be allowed, all comments screened.
Activity Check Post
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(Anonymous) 2012-08-21 12:14 am (UTC)(link)In this (http://adstringendum.dreamwidth.org/339483.html?thread=51943963) thread, for instance, Break claims that he barely sees Sheryl Rainsworth. And yet, in canon, he is comfortable enough with her that when she appears in Barma's theater he tattles on Barma's bad behavior and knows she'll beat Barma up for it. Later, he asks Sheryl to allow him to eavesdrop on her conversation with Sharon about how she is doing, right before he reports directly to her about the information he's discovered about Oz. She is also one of the few people to initially know that he is blind, and refers to him with a juvenile petname. Also -- I know that Al and Break are very close, but Break is above all a man of extreme boundaries. Even after his time in Adstring, would he really react so coolly when a young person he's known for a few years at most questions the validity of his loyalty to the family he's been devoted to for the past fifteen, to the extent that he would give up Cheshire's bell -- something that may well have given him all the answers he needed for his quest -- to save the daughter of the family? Has he really mellowed that much in the past couple of years, that he would think nothing of such a comment?
In this thread (http://adstringendum.dreamwidth.org/437445.html?thread=66790597#cmt66790597) there's another comment that was off -- Break claims Lottie has turned her Chain on children in the past. This did not happen at the party; I went and reread that interaction, and if Break is referring to her chasing Oz, Elliot, and Leo with her Chain at the school, that certainly didn't stop him from attempting to make a deal with and become closer to her later on at Sablier. He also claims that Lily killed Liam, here. He was told outright in this thread with Sheryl (http://adstringendum.dreamwidth.org/310937.html?thread=47771289#cmt47771289) that Liam was alive. It seems very unlike Break to forget that the man he was willing to throw away all his plans and attack the Baskervilles outright for is alive, and more importantly, that he would have no reaction whatsoever at being told he was alive in the first place. Is this Break being manipulative with his information just to try and get one over on Glen? If so, there is no indication of it in the threads themselves, and it makes it look far more like you're simply being careless with your canon information.
Given that Break's entire quest at home is to discover "the truth of 100 years ago", it also seems odd to me that he would accuse Glen of being a "lunatic" outright, when he knows full well that they don't have the whole story in his present time.
This thread with Gilbert (http://adstringendum.dreamwidth.org/322493.html?thread=50758077#cmt50758077) during the visitor's event was excellent, I thought. You go a lot more in depth with what Break is thinking than you usually do, even in the short, quick tags in this thread. He felt much more like Break of Pandora Hearts than Break Who Exists Outside the Series here, and I got a better feel for him as a character in this setting. I believe you've been told before that many of your tags lack depth recently, especially in comparison to the way you used to write, but this one goes much further. I know I'm just a reader, but I would love to see more of that. This thread with Glen (http://adstringendum.dreamwidth.org/370947.html?thread=56794371#cmt56794371) is one of the ones where you only give one sentence each tag, for the most part; sometimes even just a few words. Do you see the difference?
I think this is enough examples. But in summary, I'll say again that Break stands on his own in Ads beautifully, but does not seem to be meshing with castmates at the moment, and the impression I'm getting from reading his tags is that this is because you need to canon review and be more active about keeping canon facts in mind. I have actually been considering apping to Adstring with a PH character, but I am not sure I would be entirely comfortable with your Break as a castmate at this time, because I would not be able to rely on playing off well-considered canon information. I don't know if you even want more castmates -- maybe you don't -- or if anyone else feels this way; it may just be me. But it is something I wanted to bring to your attention before I seriously considered joining the game. If he is going to be played with castmates, even with his development in game, he ought to be played with more consideration of his character within the context of his actual series.
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In fact, it's more the case that I'm losing the swing of him in general. Like most people, I balance RP and RL with varying degrees of success, and it is a fight I haven't been rocking at recently. My attention is down, the temptation to fast-tag looms. I've dropped one other character this month and am about to drop a second one, which will hopefully give me the time and brainspace back to getting meaningful interactions going with him again. I think you nailed it with the 'more consideration needed' part of your crit, and that is something I am consciously trying to fix.
A few of the things you point out you are absolutely right about- as my focus goes the canon details slip. A few of them are flat out lies that he has told deliberately (particularly the stuff regarding Lotti, and most especially the death of Liam. Break does and has known he's alive, so that was flat out to yank Glen's proverbial chain.) I hope I don't sound defensive, especially since if my canon were crisper elsewhere they would probably stand alone better as duplicity. Your point is well taken. (I actually, side note, really deliberately never spell out when my characters are lying unless they're in any way bad at it. Break is a character who is sort of... blanket suspicious/ridiculous a lot of the time, and I find that my writing suffers when I spell out explicitly that he is not telling the truth. Particularly in terms of responses from other characters who always seem somehow to know, or to at least wonder about what he's saying rather than swallowing what he's telling them whole. Which is a writing philosophy only works when you don't let anything slip by you in other ways. But yes.)
I've been on an unofficial hiatus with him as it is, and before I pick him up again I am going to take the time to review the political machinations of the series and try to brainwash a few tangible ways to... reconnect him, I guess.
It's something I've always been aware of as a weak area in my portrayal, since he was originally brought in from a Snow White Chaos canon point, sort of removing him by necessity from all the major plot development that happened afterwards and leaving him weirdly alienated from the later part of the series where they really delve into Jack and Glen. I've always fumbled when it comes to adding that back in, and it's never shown more than since Glen's arrival in Adstringendum.
I am sorry that my portrayal of Break has at all discouraged you from applying with a PH character. I would strongly urge you to pick a different canon with a cast you're more comfortable with, as it's a wonderful game (if you're not already here) or if you're feeling patient, give me a bit to get him back under control and go ahead and join up.