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[maddest]

[You rang?]

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[thelightbringer]

"I normally don't. He asked...and she was the reason."

He sits back on his hands.

"Between that and the spat with the shinigami, it probably looks like I'm axing the work I was doing before I left."

[maddest]

"You get a little leeway, for being set on fire."

He admits, watching him.

"But it does hurt."

[thelightbringer]

He smiles, small and crooked. Break has started referring to the tortures the same way Lucifer does, and it's refreshing.

"Well you know what I'm going to try with Jyuushirou. And I think I'm on Al's good side again. It was just- a bad week."

The worst.

[maddest]

"Do you know my favourite story in the whole wide world? I'm sure I must have told it to you ten times by now."

Broken coffee cups, two little children.

[thelightbringer]

"You have. But Sugarplum hasn't heard it."

And his memories are still shuffled enough that he could use a reminder.

[maddest]

"There are two children in a kitchen. One boy is told he can't have a cookie, and picks up a teacup, smashing it on the floor with anger.

Another boy, in a different kitchen, he's trying to cook his mother breakfast in bed. He climbs up on the counter and brings a shelf down accidentally, smashing ten teacups.

Which boy gets in more trouble?"

[thelightbringer]

"The one who broke a single tea cup."

Whispering the answer loudly to the hellkitten.

"...the real question is which one you think I've been. This week, not in general."

[maddest]

"Oh, sweetheart. It's the ten teacups, every time."

Laughing, stretching out.

"Tell me when you know why."

[thelightbringer]

"I could use a hint."

He moves around so his back is against the couch, his head tilted back to rest against Break's side.

"I'm being lazy today; it's my birthday."

[maddest]

"Because I don't really care that you succeed, just that you try."

Patting him atop the head.

[thelightbringer]

"Mmmnn."

Petting is better than patting.

"I'm glad. That takes a lot of pressure off."

[maddest]

"What have you learned, this week?"

[thelightbringer]

"...That I'm six or seven steps behind where I was when I left."

Since he's being honest.

[maddest]

"What do you mean?"

Prompting, gently.

[thelightbringer]

"Everything is so urgent now. I keep missing things because all I can think about is what I'm going to do next."

He looks at Break, then back at the wall.

"And I can't tolerate people the way I'd learned to do. When I see them now, knowing they hate me, I know they'll help to Cage me. I used to be fine with that."

[maddest]

"They will, not they would?"

Checking his wording.

[thelightbringer]

He swallows hard.

"They would. They can't here--or maybe they can't yet. Rei can make fire for however long, who knows what else they'd work on if they thought it would work."

[maddest]

"You said 'will.'" He corrects, unwilling to let him back away from that, just yet.

[thelightbringer]

"They can't kill me. What else are they going to do with me?" Trying again to evade the real implications of what he'd said.

Except it's 'are', not 'would', again.

[maddest]

"I can't decide if you see that show-down as inevitable- the day you go so far it's too far. Or if you think that just because of what they are, they none of them would listen, would trap you, unjustified, if given half the chance."

[thelightbringer]

"They would. They did."

Which makes it very hard to care if he goes too far or not.

[maddest]

"When did they? Tell me about that."

[thelightbringer]

"At home."

He knows what argument could be made about that, so he goes on quickly, to get it all out as casually as possible.

"Nothing mattered. I wanted to quit. I wanted to call it all off, and leave with my brother. That's all. And it didn't matter. Not to Michael, not to them. Just like it doesn't matter here. Rei knows everything, Castiel knows-"

Castiel is a sore spot, so he stops while his tone is still under his control.

[maddest]

"Michael."

He remembers again.

"It must have hurt, so much, to offer-"

[thelightbringer]

The thought of being united with Michael had been what got Lucifer through Hell. And now Michael is burning with him, and there is no chance of them ever escaping.

There are no words to describe what that feels like. He can't even describe the situation.

"I can never go back there. ...And if they ever try anything like it here, that's it."