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[maddest]

[You rang?]

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[maddest]

"What have you learned, this week?"

[thelightbringer]

"...That I'm six or seven steps behind where I was when I left."

Since he's being honest.

[maddest]

"What do you mean?"

Prompting, gently.

[thelightbringer]

"Everything is so urgent now. I keep missing things because all I can think about is what I'm going to do next."

He looks at Break, then back at the wall.

"And I can't tolerate people the way I'd learned to do. When I see them now, knowing they hate me, I know they'll help to Cage me. I used to be fine with that."

[maddest]

"They will, not they would?"

Checking his wording.

[thelightbringer]

He swallows hard.

"They would. They can't here--or maybe they can't yet. Rei can make fire for however long, who knows what else they'd work on if they thought it would work."

[maddest]

"You said 'will.'" He corrects, unwilling to let him back away from that, just yet.

[thelightbringer]

"They can't kill me. What else are they going to do with me?" Trying again to evade the real implications of what he'd said.

Except it's 'are', not 'would', again.

[maddest]

"I can't decide if you see that show-down as inevitable- the day you go so far it's too far. Or if you think that just because of what they are, they none of them would listen, would trap you, unjustified, if given half the chance."

[thelightbringer]

"They would. They did."

Which makes it very hard to care if he goes too far or not.

[maddest]

"When did they? Tell me about that."

[thelightbringer]

"At home."

He knows what argument could be made about that, so he goes on quickly, to get it all out as casually as possible.

"Nothing mattered. I wanted to quit. I wanted to call it all off, and leave with my brother. That's all. And it didn't matter. Not to Michael, not to them. Just like it doesn't matter here. Rei knows everything, Castiel knows-"

Castiel is a sore spot, so he stops while his tone is still under his control.

[maddest]

"Michael."

He remembers again.

"It must have hurt, so much, to offer-"

[thelightbringer]

The thought of being united with Michael had been what got Lucifer through Hell. And now Michael is burning with him, and there is no chance of them ever escaping.

There are no words to describe what that feels like. He can't even describe the situation.

"I can never go back there. ...And if they ever try anything like it here, that's it."

[maddest]

"A terrifying experience, finding, knowing intimately, your breaking point."

He admits. There's a conclusion he still wants him to reach, but they can talk about this a little longer first.

"You can see the edge of the cliff, it seems precariously close."

[thelightbringer]

He's never had a breaking point before. And he wonders if he'd have one now, if he had learned to hold onto something other than Michael's memory and the hope of vengeance.

Well, they took Michael. But he still has revenge. He knows how unstable that makes him.

"I don't believe in Fate. But if I turned away from what I'm doing, I wouldn't know who I was anymore."

[maddest]

"But, you were willing to with Michael, so obviously you've had a glimpse of who you would be."

Curious, fingers carding through his hair again.

"That's interesting- but I want to know why Ukitake, Unohana, and Alphonse made you feel, this week, like you were near that cliff edge."

[thelightbringer]

He's thought about this, too. It's not something he would normally discuss, but he knows Break will see it anyway. He'd rather get feedback, to see what opportunities it opens. Or closes.

"A few reasons. One is that they don't like me, and they're all willing to fight me. Maybe even eager for it. So like I said the other night--when they started talking to me like we're friends, it made them feel two-faced."

[maddest]

"I don't think that's really what it made them feel though. This might be a culture clash between humans and angels."

He tries to work out how to explain this.

"For us, when there's someone we know we need to get along with- for a friend, say, who begs us- we try to be polite and friendly until it sticks and turns into something more genuine. The actions come first, the feelings sometimes coming a second."

[thelightbringer]

It's working on Al. Lucifer hadn't been sure he'd be able to get that relationship moving where he wanted it again, not after the fight. But now that he's spoken to Al it seems to be doing better than it had been weeks ago.

"...Makes sense. But I doubt it's going to stick with Jyuushirou. I wouldn't hold my breath for it."

[maddest]

"Do what you can."

He instructs him.

"It's important to me that you try."

[thelightbringer]

"I am. It will be better for all of us if it works."

He sighs and turns his head to look at Break.

"Tell me again why you want this?"

All of 'this', not just the manipulative or clumsy efforts at playing nice with the city.

[maddest]

"Because I can envision a future in which there is cocoa, cheer, and teapots."

Explaining, albeit not very well.

[thelightbringer]

He smiles in that oddly human way he has.

"As long as you always give me the best cup."

[maddest]

"Always."

Smiling.

"Thank you. Do you feel a little better?"